There are words that can kill a relationship, whether it be friend, fuck or whatever. under different and strained circumstances -you need to be careful and choose wisely how you express what you feel about the person who is in your corner. Your other might have another, and you don't think the woman in your life, or man-might be taking that house shit out on you. what you say at this point, can make or break the next steps you take in the relationship you have battled with and for for a long time.
I'm speaking from experience. I learned a valuable lesson in the last 24 hours. You think that you know how to except what is happening in your life. WRONG! you can only except what YOU allow. I didn't realise, that my disposition with the job searches, the interviews, the full time job i do have and the full time school was causing me to be a bitch in the rawest form.
hearing those words, I'm sick of your shit, well hit home. made me think.
had to re-evaluate a few things. why, when and who the fuck are you telling me this. especially when your shit isn't the easiest to deal with either. then that song that makes a difference starts to play... lil wayne, how to love. Memories of why we stayed together this long. the good, bad and evil shit that we have done, said and excepted from each other. The tears begin to fill in my eyes, because listening to the words, and thinking. I'm thinking, and damn it hits home. anyone else would have gotten the fuck off my phone spill.
But then you call today, minutes ago...
your health is better. your disposition is happier. i cant be mad at you. even though i have a full basket of reason to be. just like you do. Our relationship isn't tit for tat, its genuine.
your a real motherfucker. call it arrogance, i call it a gift.
I have to learn that in this relationship, I'm the side chick. the relationship will never be anymore. its cheaper to keep her. I understand. But understand too, that when you tell me shit she doesn't do, or how she treats you. I get heated. I see how you act when your home with me, in our house of two. The way that you make love to me and with me there is no way in hell, you take that home to her.
whether your sick, your healthy, or your here at home with me. I feel a lot of disappointment cause you have given me that thug dick, that ride a bitch back tell she taps out shit. I would and damn near have gone broke being that go to bitch. You are in a very good, absolutely a great position that many wish that they had. theres a grip that's out there mad at your ass, because they know your not here at home with me. They want what you have. the reality is though, i have to want back. i only want you.
taking a chance by putting how i feel in print, i realise that there is a special person who has graced my path in this life. In order for me to grow, I have to learn to understand-your not my punching bag. I'm glad you punch back. I have to come to grips that our relationship will never be your wife. I'm your motherfucker for sure. You have to realise to, that the woman i have evolved into is looking for that end of the day type shit. that if my tire is flat you would help fill it. That you would be there in the middle of the night and protect me from the fears i have of the bumbs of the night. I'm always gonna have a little doubt, being the side chick for all the days there was lies, to me. How many times i turned my head from the realisation that there is always that possibility that theres another, when you start to text in front of me and how you change your tone with who ever your on the phone. I hate it when, you don't understand why i act like i do.
You also have to understand that when i go places, I'm envious, I'm jealous, I'm hurt and I'm happy to see couples when they walk, they laugh and they spend that time away from the house. Its the small yellow flower he picks up and puts in her hair and brushes her cheek, they life type shit I crave. How i wish you would/could/should have when you were able to, just did little special just for me shit, with me.
At this point though, its irrelevant. all i can do is keep my self sane by remembering that I'm just the side chick. it doesn't matter how much i love you. i have to keep in perspective, you never know when the end is near. I take everyday as a blessing to be able to say I love you.
we have been blessed really, you now get to experience who I am, and how i am really due to time allotted. Surprise, I do love much more, i live very simple, and don't expect as much as you thought.
here we are, your sick of my shit.
I love you too.
I'm sick of my shit too.
But at the end of this paragraph, I know why I love you as much as I have and still do.
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